I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
