I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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