I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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