this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.