my phone needs a breathalizer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
