i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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