dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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