In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
