After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.