I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance