Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.