I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
