I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
