Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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