I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
