I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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