you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
