is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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