Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
