Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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