oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize