Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
