he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
