Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
