I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
