Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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