The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
