So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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