apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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