Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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