I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
