You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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