Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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