i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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