Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
