Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
