you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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