you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
