I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize