i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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