I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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