Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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