hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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