I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
