New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
