Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
