Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
