I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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