I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
