im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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