My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
