I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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