I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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