Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
