Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
