Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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