I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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