he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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