The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize