we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
me + whiskey = a bad person
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
