Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
