How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
