Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
