just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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