So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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