I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
