is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry my hands just texted you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
