Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
