apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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