So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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