Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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