Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The maid of honor just puked.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
