my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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