Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
