I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
