remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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