look no pants
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.