dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
