As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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