i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
