i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
