Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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