sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
